Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir

Shattering, engrossing, pointillistic memoir. A glimpse back in time, re-creating the fear and overwhelming terror that was AIDS in the 1980s. Monette is a brilliant writer. Beyond the evocative and moving depictions of caring for his soulmate, he also offers a glimpse into a world now quite unimaginable except in memoir. By this I mean not only the experiences of a youngish people utterly devastated by a then-incurable disease, but also the erudite world of gay men in the 1980s. Not to generalize too much (there were plenty of airheads then too), but it was more common then for gay men, like Monette and his circle, to pride themselves for their role as culture-bearers, and by that I don't mean "culture" as in Taylor Swift. It's difficult to describe in full, until you read it, the time capsule this memoir opens up. It's written with a brutal honesty that was rare for a gay memoir of the era, with an unflinching and unapologetic look into the intricacies of gay relationships, which didn't then and don't know automatically play by the same rules as the heterosexual majority. As someone who was a teenager in 1980s California, and who was tangentially connected to one of the characters (long dead) in this book, I had a feeling of sense-memory opening up that I don't think I can adequately convey. Somehow I didn't read this book until 2022, but it brought me back to 1985 and 1986 so vividly. All I can say is read this memoir. It's incredibly sad, but such a worthwhile experience to understand what it was like to live in a time and under a cloud that younger gay men really can't fully comprehend. Reading this memoir is but one small step into comprehension.

This was a beautiful and heartbreaking memoir by Paul Monette, about the diagnosis and death of his lover, Roger Horwitz, of AIDS in the mid 80’s. Given the subject matter, of course this is a sad story, but it’s also a story of hope and complete, all encompassing love. Paul starts the story during the good days for him and Roger, right before AIDS became an epidemic. These early chapters show them with dear friends and traveling, living a beautiful life together. Once both men came out, they refused to be closeted, and after a few hiccups became not only accepted but celebrated by their families. Paul writes about the AIDS virus forcing people to come out again, a concept I’d never thought of. When so many had finally come out as gay, now they had to decide how and when to come out as being infected. Paul was absolutely dedicated to Roger and his health, watching him get sick and get better in several cycles over 18 months until his death. He’s very raw about his emotions, admitting to being angry, depressed, anxious, and optimistic to a degree of fantasy. He spoke candidly about not being able to imagine life without Roger, and how scared he became every time things got worse. My heart broke for both of them, especially knowing that Paul himself died of AIDS about a decade after Roger did. This is a very realist story of what it’s like to watch a loved one go through a terminal illness. Though this book is very sad, it’s not all doom. There are some very stunning moments between Paul and Roger. I think this is a really important story, and many will relate to Paul’s experience. Rest in Peace Paul and Roger, and thank you for putting this story into the world ❤️

I bought Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir by Monette because it was recommended by a class on AIDS I was taking as research for a book I'm writing. I thought the book might help me better understand the AIDS patient and even AIDS itself. Monette tells a story that is a heartbreaking mix of love, family, and loss. Not just the loss of his life partner but loss of a way of being in the world. He demonstrates eloquently the devastation fear wreaks when knowledge is minimal while showing the immense power of love to hold people together. At times, Monette's self-deprecation felt a bit too much, but it showed a glimpse into how insecurities can push us to both our best and our worst. He talked with graphic detail about the physical havoc AIDS brought not only to the bodies of those who suffer with it but to the lives and the communities where AIDS became such an accepted part of life that people talked about when instead of if. Monette talks about his and the gay community's resentment of people's ignorance and particularly their determination to remain ignorant. His love for his life partner, Roger Horwitz, is palpable throughout the book. I felt almost like an interloper in their lives in some of the more intimate portions of the book. Monette writes in a way that had me wishing for Roger to be saved even though I knew before I even began the book that was impossible. Near the end, I also found myself longing for Roger's suffering to end even though the end of that suffering meant death. Monette's description of full-blown AIDS and the suffering of not only Roger but their friends broke my heart and made me determined to support death with dignity laws. Monette downplays his own diagnosis of AIDS throughout the book. Roger is his focus because Roger is the one who is in crisis. I felt Monette's grief throughout the pages. I felt the secrecy in place to try to protect those who could offer support. I felt the love these two men shared. I felt the openness of love and compassion coupled with the anger and despair at a system not moving quickly enough to make a difference in lives. Borrowed Time is a reminder that no matter who we are, how we live our lives, or who we love, the time we have is only borrowed and it will be taken away at some point...

One of the best AIDS memoirs you're likely to find. Monette and his partner lived charmed lives of privilege until this terrible disease turned everything upside down, and forced them to face, in some small way, what being gay in America felt like for the rest of us. Beautifully written, this book is more than an AIDS memoir - it's a true love story. These men loved each other dearly, and were there for each other through the very worst. Monette made a good living churning out novelizations of movies - not exactly the sort of writing anyone aspires to. Tragedy and pain resulted in his literary triumph, and was the making of him, as a writer.

This is mostly a story of how gay men in general dealt with the beginning onslaught of AIDS in their community, the fear of the unknown, how heterosexual people condemned and dismissed the gay community, and how gay men tried to console and fight together as they stumbled through the lack of information of how AIDS tears the body apart as the person suffering slowly dies. It needs to be said that this is a story of 2 close friends, not lovers, per se. Gay men often (but not always) engage in open relationships; they are free to have relations with other gay men while being in a relationship with their partner/close friend. In the book, perhaps the author only mentions “one affair” he had in order to relate to heterosexual readers, but in reality, he had many intimate encounters with men while he lived with his friend Roger. There was one particular man who he had a long-term relationship with that made the author often question his relationship with Roger. You can read the details of these encounters that the author had with other men in the actual journal entries of the author, which can be found online. (Search “Just the Summers” to find the literal journal entires.) In his journal entries, the author writes that he is unsure about his relationship with Roger, that he often grapples about staying with Roger. In his journal entries, the author feels guilty for possibly giving Roger AIDS, and when we read in the book that the fear Paul — who is the author of this book — has about AIDS, it’s mostly his own fear for himself instead of fear for Roger. In the journal entries, the author writes that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to care for Roger, which sounds heartless, but he’s being honest. I think the author wrote this book in a way that appeals to heterosexuals because he needed to capture their readership as well as the readership of gay men. The state of monogamy is mostly a heterosexual concept. The difference in relationships between gay men and heterosexuals is so different that it’s nearly impossible for heterosexuals to understand. So know that when Paul calls Roger a “friend,” he literally means a “friend.” Both men are on the deed of their house, which is probably why they live together. Most of the time, they sleep in separate bedrooms (not just when Roger has AIDS). In the beginning of their relationship, Paul was in love with Roger, but by the time this story took place, Roger was just a friend, albeit it probably a close friend, someone who had many of the same interests in common with Paul, the author. If you read the story carefully, you can see that Paul does actually describe all these things. But since they’re concepts that heterosexuals aren’t normally aware of, this story can easily be misunderstood as a romantic and monogamous love story. I still highly recommend this book. It’s a brutal story about the dark era of the beginning of the AIDS crisis among the gay community. It is written by a very talented writer.

This is a deep dive into the horrific results of the AIDS Pandemic. These victims were treated as if they didn’t even deserve to live, not even human by a multitude of government officials as well as a vast majority of people in general. That is a stain on us as a nation and to Christianity as well. We do not have to agree or condone others to show them love and compassion. This author has written an eye opening account of his personal experience and loss. It is worth reading if you want to understand the damage caused by not showing compassion to others even if we don’t accept their morality.

This monumental, heartbreaking story is talented Paul Monette's gift to posterity, tenderly parting a curtain on the ghastly impacts of a tragically misunderstood epidemic. He & Roger did not die in vain. I was "complicit" in my ignorance at the time---apathetic, & well-schooled in religious homophobia. Then our wonderful son stunned us by coming out as gay, and immediately opened our eyes to that which we had been blind. He met the love of his life at age 28, just as Paul did; but there the parallel paths diverged. By the grace of God, they came of age in a different time---on the shoulders of those activists who had to die young. As a result, the two of them have the previously undreamed-of luxury of looking forward to the possibility of sharing a long life together (tho our son-in-law was exposed to HIV). I've dedicated the rest of my life to fighting for the right of same-sex couples like Paul & Roger to have the opportunity to marry---light instead of darkness; hope & love, out of depression & secrecy & indignity & disease.

I read Monette's book first in 98 when it was published, 13 years and one country later, it was still on my mind, and I had to have a copy of my own for the house . Some books change you .this is one of those books. If you did not live through the hight if the AIDS crisis, and want an inside view, this book is what you're looking for. If you like a good love story, this book is for you. If you like a good tragedy , this is for you. The characters warm and relatable , Monette writes this book and makes you feel like a member of his family . He's a terribly interesting guy to begin with, so story aside the biographical part is worth reading , but , this is one of those hooks that left me in tears, and had me feeling as though I had been through a battle along side the author . All I can say is read it!