Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges

As Den Heijer eloquently states, "When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower." "Our approaches fall short when we simply mist little flowers struggling to grow in parched soil. Instead, we need to tend the soil. In human beings, the 'soil' is safety in relationships - safety as perceived by each child's nervous system, not as defined by adults for the child." I highly recommend this book to anyone that works with children! It breaks down literal brain science and makes it make sense for us lay people. The book was an easy read with a lot of real life examples that helped explain the concepts and tons of worksheets that could be immediately utilized with children and families. The author also provides a lot of good resources.

I love it! It’s such an easy read and it includes many example of worksheets to follow. Overall learning alot from this book.

This upcoming school year, I was tasked with creating professional development for our teachers that centered around "trauma informed teaching." Personally, I have utilized strategies on my own but it was hard to put it into words why my students had been successful when I was in the classroom. I struggled for a bit trying to think of how to develop a scope and sequence, how to figure out what to focus on and what to share with staff. I purchased this book after doing the preview, since I hoped it would help put into words what I struggled to do. I was right. What I love about the book is that it is very easy to understand and practical. The worksheets in the book are straightforward, and the material within the book helps people understand that "whys" behind behaviors. It's always been my belief that you can't focus on the behavior itself, because behavior is a method of communication. Looking at behaviors through that lens, you want to try to get the bottom of the communication - whether it is, "I'm overwhelmed right now" or "I don't feel comfortable here," there are lots of things are kids try to communicate with us without words. This book helps you break down the behaviors and get a better understanding of the root cause of what is happening. I highly recommend it.

This book has changed the way I parent. I homeschool my 7 year old daughter . This book has changed my perspective on misbehavior and how it is the body’s way adapting and handling stress. It goes beyond the surface of behaviors and is grounded in neuroscience. It has changed how I connect and interact with my 7 year old . It has been so helpful and my daughter’s challenging behaviors have diminished dramatically . I would recommend this book to any parent , educator or anyone who interacts with kids .

Are you are a parent, teacher, or mental health professional working with kids who have persistent difficulties at home or school? Do you know and love a child with trauma and anxiety, who is neurodiverse or autistic, or who has received any diagnosis traditionally related to challenging behaviors (RAD, ODD, DMDD, PTSD, DTD, IED, ADHD, etc.)? If so, GO BUY THIS BOOK NOW... then give an extra copy to every professional working with the child! Dr. Mona Delahooke has put into words so clearly and brilliantly what many of us have known for years about the most challenging kids in our homes and classrooms. In a compelling, compassionate, and easy-to-read format, she has addressed many of the false assumptions underlying out-dated behavior management systems and proposes a refreshingly compassionate and brain-based approach. Instead of following the traditional path of using rewards and consequences as a way to motivate children to behave, she focuses on the importance of building an environment of safety, respecting individual diversity, and understanding children’s sensory and nervous systems. With plenty of scholarly research, along with specific examples and helpful diagrams, her book clearly and beautifully demonstrates the importance of figuring out what is driving the behavior as the key to finding compassionate solutions that work!

Mona Delahooke has been a leader in translating child and brain development research as well as her own experience as a clinical psychologist and a parent to information and practical applications. In this excellent new book, she provides readily accessible explanations of what drives "challenging behavior" beyond the traditionally accepted notion that a child is either trying "to get something or to get out of something" (which assumes all behavior is rational). She provides a pathway to helping our kids with challenging behaviors that, if implemented across our country, would eliminate the punitive practices that are being applied to our vulnerable children for their automatic (stress) responses, and would shut down the school to prison pipeline. I have, and will continue to purchase extra copies to share with professionals and organizations. I have recommended that every teacher, staff member, principal and parent in my state read Mona Delahooke's Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges. I believe that this book is valuable for all parents, whether or not their children's children's challenges rise to the level of concern or not. Her emphasis on the importance of relationship in a world where discipline has been interpreted as punishment rather than "to teach" is a key message for all of us.

I am a children's ministry director, I am dedicated to providing a church home for all of our kids. That said, we have been getting more and more children with challenging emotional and behavioral needs. I have been looking for a proven, research-backed resource on how to help all kids participate socially. In our case, in our community of faith. I did not want a bag of behavior changing tricks. I wanted to truly understand what my kids were struggling with when they had melt downs or lost control so I and my volunteers could meet them there and help them where they were at. When I found Delahook's book, I knew I had found what I was looking for. It does an excellent job at showing neurologically, biologically and developmentally what life is like from a child's perspective and why they act the way they do. Then it teaches how we adults can be the first intervention with them as a calming presence co-regulating their out of control emotions and eventually helping them to learn how to regulate themselves. Delahook's book is written as a resource for families and educators of special needs kids but I really think that her paradigm should be implemented in working with all children. I know that is what I plan to do. I am very excited to implement the truths in Beyond Behaviors in training all my volunteers.

This book contains thought-provoking and ground-breaking insights that will change the way you parent, treat, or educate a child with behavioral challenges. The ideas and practices presented in this book are based on the latest scientific understanding of how we learn to regulate our emotions and behavior in the context of safe interpersonal connections and environments. Dr. Delahooke helps us recognize that what matters most is the child's felt sense of safety and not our own perception or presumption of it. What we perceive as seemingly benign environmental stimuli, children with faulty neuroception or sensory-processing challenges may perceive as a threat to their sense of safety. As a result, their behaviors must be understood as an adaptive response to their unique individual experiences. If you are a parent, educator, or mental health provider for a child with behavioral challenges, reading this book is an imperative. It will fundamentally change the way you approach working with these children for the better. Dr. Delahooke presents complex concepts with such elegant clarity, readability, and compassion that you will be moved to come back to her words again and again as a guide for your understanding of children's needs. As a child psychologist specializing in treating children with challenging behaviors, this is one of my go-to book recommendations for parents who seek to gain a deeper understanding of their child's needs, and the work involved in helping them experience connection and well-being.

In her book Beyond Behaviours, Dr Delahooke guides the reader towards a deeper understanding of why relational safety is the central component in helping children to develop and thrive. Dr Delahooke's insightful and attuned model draws on the evidence that can be found in Neuroscience, as well as years of working with children and families. Her passion is clearly communicated in the book, which helps the reader to connect with the knowledge and experience she shares. She also models the importance of compassion in the way she sensitively describes each child's difficulties in her case studies. Beyond Behaviours explores why it is crucial to understand and respond to every child's individual differences; authentically and with unconditional positive regard. The book explores more in-depth ways of doing so, through the use of valuable worksheets, checklists and models. The resources included in the book assist the reader to enquire about what else might be happening for a child, when they behave in ways that can be easily misunderstood. If you are the parent, carer or educator of a child who responds to the world in ways that can be difficult to understand or manage, I would highly recommend this book.

This book is easy to read and I wish I read this years ago, the linking of theories to explore/understand children’s behaviour is revolutionary and essential to be able to help a child function to their ability and develop to their full potential. Love it, it just makes sense great book that has helped deepen my practice.

A great read for all educators

This book is amazing. I am a psychology student and a mum and I find the techniques in this book extremely useful.

One of the best books I've ever read! As the mum of a child with emotional and behavioural difficulties and a teacher of children with special educational needs, I can't recommend this book enough. It challenges its readers to look at behaviour differently and explains the complexities of brain development, the nervous system and individual differences in such a user friendly way. Beyond Behaviors really is a must read for parents and professionals working with children.